I love just about everything about Halloween from the elaborate costumes to the figure-friendly sized candy to the way everyone seems to have started haunting their houses like Clark Griswold decks his halls. But since the night the music video for Thriller debuted and I watched with wide eyes from the safety of underneath our family coffee table – I realize that, most of all, I love a good scare.
I faced my fear of heights with a jump from an airplane, I’ve held a frighteningly large vampire bat in what I doubt was a regulated zoo, and I’ve eaten oysters (quite possibly the scariest thing ever). If it scares the heck out of me, I want a piece of it, and I’ve noticed I’m not alone in succumbing to the allure of a good fright.
Regardless of how much thrill you need to inject into your life, there’s a little something for everyone:
Thrill Level 1: If you’re looking to dip your toes in the scary water, I recommend starting small. Accept Mom’s Facebook friend request or apply some expired mascara.
Thrill Level 2: You’re getting into horror movie territory. Lights off, and force yourself to not hit the mute button.
Thrill Level 3: On some street corner in some foreign land, there is a man with a boa constrictor who will let you pay him to wear it as a scarf.
Thrill Level 4: Adrenaline junkies call it “adventure,” but for those with a fear of heights, flying, falling, crowds or commitment, it’s time to strap on a bungee cord and jump off the Stratosphere in Vegas with the girl you married last night.
Thrill Level 5: On a dark and stormy night, knock on the front door of Crazy Ned in the old manor house on the corner with the boarded up windows and the door mat that says “Go Away.”
Thrill Level 6: Use a Ouija board with a group of twelve year old girls who have had ten too many Pixie Stix.
Thrill Level 7: Participate in a medical trial.
Thrill Level 8: Volunteer to be the guy with a Granny Smith on his head while a mime juggling tomahawks makes applesauce on a Carnival Cruise stage.
Thrill Level 9: Date a vampire.
Thrill Level 10: Level 10 is the thirteenth floor of scary – please don’t go there.
One’s factor of fear is obviously relative, but it’s amazing how much excitement we derive from facing our greatest thrills. What makes us chase down a good scare? Why do we love leaping off tall buildings, getting this close to feral animals, and running from that masked man with the chainsaw at the end of every haunted house? I don’t have a clue, but I intend to keep at it.