Allow me to gush for a moment, as I’m recently engaged and thus, have been granted a full year to be “that girl” whose kissy-faced photos and lovey-dovey pearls of wisdom shall plague your every social feed. While I vow to do my damndest to keep the gooeyness to a minimum on my blog, I must dedicate one post to the subject of engagement for posterity.
Until you’re engaged, you never know what breed of Bridezilla you’ll turn out to be, what formerly-inane things you’ll now deem wedding-critical, or what should-be magical moments will make you want to poke your eyes out with a fork. For me, those answers have been: too soon to tell, macaroni and cheese, and dress shopping (the horror!).
However, I have uncovered some universal truths about engagement I’m compelled to share for anyone considering the endeavor:
- Engaged people get free champagne – it’s just a fact of life.
- You start speaking like a Sherwin Williams consultant. From the moment you announce your betrothal, you must be prepared to answer two questions: “When is the wedding?!” and, “what are your colors?!” rainbow references just won’t do, so you must be prepared to speak in paint chips:. “Champagne and poppy” or “seafoam and eggshell” or “slate and ballet slipper” – I recommend an afternoon at Lowe’s to properly prep.
- You actually give a damn what your nails look like. All. The. Time.
- You convert everything to wedding dollars. One less trip to the nail salon could get you a bigger guest book centerpiece. That past-its-prime loaf of bread could have been an upgraded silver setting. An extravagant date night might mean cousin Andy won’t make the guest list (just kidding cousin Andy).
- Engaged people eat a lot of cake with no remorse. We’re just “tasting”!
- Strapless dresses, tailored tuxes, and honeymoon nakedness are the world’s greatest fitness inspiration. If you need to lose a few pounds, I highly recommend getting engaged.
- Registering for irrelevant odds and ends is unimaginably fun. Racing through grown up stores like Crate & Barrel with that scanner-gun-thingy makes you feel like a kid on a Super Toy Run at Toys R Us. “Cherry-pitter?!” Beep. “Knife sharpener?!” Beep. “Corn-cob hold-a-ma-jiggers shaped like corn cobs?!” Beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep.
- You avoid buying things you actually need. Broken can opener? You can just register for that! In the meantime, Trader Joe’s has soup in a box.
- You use the word “fiancé” far more than necessary. Sometimes, when my fiancé calls, I’ll even answer the phone with, “what’s up, fiancé?”
- You smile dopily all the time.
While each move I make during my engagement will undoubtedly induce just as many groans as “awww”s, I plan to soak in every moment of it. From dressing-room meltdowns to mac and cheese-tasting highs, finding your “the one” is the ultimate ride.
If anyone has any engagement tips, I’ll take ‘em!