The Engagement Effect

Allow me to gush for a moment, as I’m recently engaged and thus, have been granted a full year to be “that girl” whose kissy-faced photos and lovey-dovey pearls of wisdom shall plague your every social feed. While I vow to do my damndest to keep the gooeyness to a minimum on my blog, I must dedicate one post to the subject of engagement for posterity.

Until you’re engaged, you never know what breed of Bridezilla you’ll turn out to be, what formerly-inane things you’ll now deem wedding-critical, or what should-be magical moments will make you want to poke your eyes out with a fork. For me, those answers have been: too soon to tell, macaroni and cheese, and dress shopping (the horror!).

However, I have uncovered some universal truths about engagement I’m compelled to share for anyone considering the endeavor:

1. Engaged people get free champagne – it’s just a fact of life.
2. You start speaking like a Sherwin Williams consultant. From the moment you announce your betrothal, you must be prepared to answer two questions: “When is the wedding?!” and, “what are your colors?!” rainbow references just won’t do, so you must be prepared to speak in paint chips:. “Champagne and poppy” or “seafoam and eggshell” or “slate and ballet slipper” – I recommend an afternoon at Lowe’s to properly prep.
3. You actually give a damn what your nails look like. All. The. Time.
4. You convert everything to wedding dollars. One less trip to the nail salon could get you a bigger guest book centerpiece. That past-its-prime loaf of bread could have been an upgraded silver setting. An extravagant date night might mean cousin Andy won’t make the guest list (just kidding cousin Andy).
5. Engaged people eat a lot of cake with no remorse. We’re just “tasting”!
6. Strapless dresses, tailored tuxes, and honeymoon nakedness are the world’s greatest fitness inspiration. If you need to lose a few pounds, I highly recommend getting engaged.
7. Registering for irrelevant odds and ends is unimaginably fun. Racing through grown up stores like Crate & Barrel with that scanner-gun-thingy makes you feel like a kid on a Super Toy Run at Toys R Us. “Cherry-pitter?!” Beep. “Knife sharpener?!” Beep. “Corn-cob hold-a-ma-jiggers shaped like corn cobs?!” Beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep.
8. You avoid buying things you actually need. Broken can opener? You can just register for that! In the meantime, Trader Joe’s has soup in a box.
9. You use the word “fiancé” far more than necessary. Sometimes, when my fiancé calls, I’ll even answer the phone with, “what’s up, fiancé?”
10. You smile dopily all the time.

While each move I make during my engagement will undoubtedly induce just as many groans as “awww”s, I plan to soak in every moment of it. From dressing-room meltdowns to mac and cheese-tasting highs, finding your “the one” is the ultimate ride.

If anyone has any engagement tips, I’ll take ‘em!