I’m in the process of building a new home with an egregiously large kitchen. So during a recent flight when I saw the top corner of the Sky Mall catalog peeking out of the seat back pocket I couldn’t help but yank it out and flip anxiously to see if they still sell that hot dog bun toaster I always thought was ridiculously awesome. Indeed they do.
While I pondered this purchase, I noticed many of the products gracing the pages of this timeless tome are Sky Mall classics – from the pop-up Christmas tree to the elegant line of moon boots. Aside from a few products boasting “iPhone 4S compatible,” I’d swear this catalog of Back to the Future II-esque odds and ends hasn’t changed much since Back to the Future II came out on VHS.
In this world of supply in demand, I am faced with two potential conclusions: either there’s a warehouse in Area 51 boasting an infinite supply of garden gnomes; or, somewhere, up in the sky, bored passengers like me are considering, “do I have enough cabinet space for this whos-a-ma-whatsit?” I must know: who are you Sky Mall shopper?
I do hope you come forward and tell me your tale, but in the meantime, here are my theories on who you (we?) might be:
The neighbor-avoider: Based on informal and completely unreliable research, I know that fellow-passenger avoidance is the #1 reason to open a Sky Mall catalog. It may also be the #1 reason to buy a bar that is also a globe.
The serial buyer: You got the flashlight pen in 1989, the laser pen in 1995 and the scanner pen in 2001. Of course you need the translates-anything-into-forty-languages pen.
The speed reader: You’ve finished Game of Thrones and pick up Sky Mall to pass the rest of the time but instead discover a world of thing you never knew you needed. An hour later you’re the proud owner of a Game of Thrones chess set.
The early adopter: You’ve got ten thousand dollars to burn and you intend to be the first one with a nap pod in your living room. It will go next to the tanning bed.
The animal lover: You simply can’t resist the picture of the adorable kitty wandering happily out of the beautiful mahogany end table he just peed in.
The international flyer: Long fly time plus unlimited free booze equals 6ft Garden Yeti Statue ownership.
The ooh-ahher: Wait – there’s a color-changing shower head? And I can get a satellite photo of my house on a throw pillow? And a hot dog cooker that can toast my buns at the same time?!
I decided to forgo the bun toaster for now (listen up, Santa), so I have yet to join the ranks of Sky Mall doo-dad ownership. But I’ve gotta know – who among you has made a Sky Mall purchase? Any other theories on who these elusive characters might be?