I’m in the process of building a new home with an egregiously large kitchen. So during a recent flight when I saw the top corner of the Sky Mall catalog peeking out of the seat back pocket I couldn’t help but yank it out and flip anxiously to see if they still sell that hot dog bun toaster I always thought was ridiculously awesome. Indeed they do.
While I pondered this purchase, I noticed many of the products gracing the pages of this timeless tome are Sky Mall classics – from the pop-up Christmas tree to the elegant line of moon boots. Aside from a few products boasting “iPhone 4S compatible,” I’d swear this catalog of Back to the Future II-esque odds and ends hasn’t changed much since Back to the Future II came out on VHS.
In this world of supply in demand, I am faced with two potential conclusions: either there’s a warehouse in Area 51 boasting an infinite supply of garden gnomes; or, somewhere, up in the sky, bored passengers like me are considering, “do I have enough cabinet space for this whos-a-ma-whatsit?” I must know: who are you Sky Mall shopper?
I do hope you come forward and tell me your tale, but in the meantime, here are my theories on who you (we?) might be:
The neighbor-avoider: Based on informal and completely unreliable research, I know that fellow-passenger avoidance is the #1 reason to open a Sky Mall catalog. It may also be the #1 reason to buy a bar that is also a globe.
The serial buyer: You got the flashlight pen in 1989, the laser pen in 1995 and the scanner pen in 2001. Of course you need the translates-anything-into-forty-languages pen.
The speed reader: You’ve finished Game of Thrones and pick up Sky Mall to pass the rest of the time but instead discover a world of thing you never knew you needed. An hour later you’re the proud owner of a Game of Thrones chess set.
The early adopter: You’ve got ten thousand dollars to burn and you intend to be the first one with a nap pod in your living room. It will go next to the tanning bed.
The animal lover: You simply can’t resist the picture of the adorable kitty wandering happily out of the beautiful mahogany end table he just peed in.
The international flyer: Long fly time plus unlimited free booze equals 6ft Garden Yeti Statue ownership.
The ooh-ahher: Wait – there’s a color-changing shower head? And I can get a satellite photo of my house on a throw pillow? And a hot dog cooker that can toast my buns at the same time?!
I decided to forgo the bun toaster for now (listen up, Santa), so I have yet to join the ranks of Sky Mall doo-dad ownership. But I’ve gotta know – who among you has made a Sky Mall purchase? Any other theories on who these elusive characters might be?
White Elephant in the Room 
perhaps I live in a cave, but I had never heard of Sky Mall. Thank you for the giggles I have been suppressing in my office while perusing their website!
Lol I live to induce giggles!
I always wondered if anyone ever purchased anything from that highfalutin catalog. I never have. Even the one time I flew 1st class… 😉
So far we have found three!!
HA! I’m a combination serial buyer and ohh-ahher!
Lol I’m a total ooh-ahher!
Luv it! My son soooo wants that 3D drawing pen on the latest cover. I figured I could use that to make my own shoes that make me 2 inches taller or the zombie crawling out of the ground. I know someone who got the cat box table. The cat started peeing on magazines piled in a regular table. Who’s dumber – the owner or the cat?!?
That’s is an unfortunate side effect! And I vote: human.
I LOVE SkyMall and try to suport i whenever I can. I am a strong supporter of friviolous purchases.
I like you already AJ. Any recommendations for my first foray?
I don’t fly often. I’ve always assumed that people who fly more frequently than I must have lives much different than my own. So much different in fact, that they would have a need for some of those bizarre gadgets and doodads. The one thing Sky Mall has yet to sell is some sort of time travel hat that makes long flights seem shorter. I’d buy one of those, maybe two.
That’s a solid point. I guess if you spend half your week traveling you want to spend the other half having a machine make you dinner.
I only discovered sky mall over the summer and thought it was the best thing every. yetis! sarcophagus bookcases! so much fun. I do wonder who buys them but no one I know has admitted to it. And, they really aren’t cheap either.
If you’re gonna have your very own Yeti you really do want it to be top of the line I suppose.
As soon as I read “random insight from an unwanted houseguest” at the top of your page, I knew this blog was going to be a good one. Love your humor and the fancy falling snow!
Also, I’ve never bought anything from SkyMall, but I do enjoy spending my flights pointing at ridiculous things and laughing at ridiculous prices while secretly wondering if maybe those 24K gold shower curtains would have changed my life. Alas, we may never know.
Why thank you so much! Sky Mall does make for a good conversation starter as would that gold shower curtain I suspect!
SkyMall is a bit like the Guinness Book of World Records – strange but true. I personally am a Ooh-Aaher. I think the only type of SkyMall reader that you forgot was the “iPad Recharger Forgetter”
You need to stop posting such good stuff. I just spent like an hour on your blog. My dirty laundry that is begging to be washed is now your fault. As to your question, there is the Crazy Organizer who must have that machine-like-contraption to organize and color code his/her child’s toy dinosaurs even if said child didn’t like toy dinosaurs.
I’m so glad you’re enjoying it! Color coding craziness is a real and scary thing – you should see my closet.
Hahaha
Funny and sad since I found out last week that Sky Mall has since filed for bankruptcy. You better get your purchase quick!
This breaks my heart!
I know I’m late to the party but brilliant!
Thank you so much!
HYsterical. SO glad I’ve discovered your blog. I burst out laughing several times…
I have to say I’m amazed that no one has yet mentioned the inflatable outdoor movie screen. I’ve been fantasizing about that thing for decades….
You’ve found a new fan in me, love your blog!
Thanks so much for that! Glad you like it 🙂
Hold the phone… There’s a Game of Thrones chess set?!?
I’m in trouble now.