It’s Beginning to Sound a Lot Like Christmas

Just like you know it’s officially Halloween when evergreen wreaths and glitzy ornaments replace grills and acrylic tableware on store shelves, you know it’s officially Thanksgiving when Bing and Nat replace Justin and Taylor. It’s been “the most wonderful time of the year” for approximately two full weeks now and I couldn’t be happier.

While my holiday is most jolly imagining I’m the one George Michael plans to give his heart to this year, I’m still a sucker for the classics. And this season, I’ve been paying extra attention to the lyrics. I can accept that times are a-changing and I can’t quite relate to a sleigh ride to Farmer Gray’s birthday party, nor do I often whip out the word “bygolly,” but I still need help clearing up a few carol conundrums:

The infamous traffic cop: What is the significance of the Grinchy police officer to the story of “Frosty the Snowman”? Does Mr. Snowman use the whole “sun was hot that day” excuse because he’s on the lamb? I’m extremely suspicious and Frosty Returns offers no resolution.

Scary ghost stories: I demand to know who amongst you spends the holidays toasting marshmallows while telling ghost stories.

Figgy pudding: Grandma had to explain to me what this stuff is, and it was immediately clear that no one has any business chanting “bring us some figgy pudding, oh bring us some figgy pudding.”

Wish lists: Were hop-a-long boots, hula hoops and hippopotami the yesteryear equivalent of iPads, iPhones and iPods? Those olden-day kiddos were greedy.

A cacophony of bells: According to anyone who has authored a Christmas carol, you can’t turn a corner without hearing the tinkling, clanging, jingling, tolling, caroling or ring-ting-tingling of any variety of bells as the holidays approach. Where’s the magical Dinsey-esque din of bells we’ve been promised? I only hear plain old ringing these days.

Terms of measurement: Is a bushel of fun greater than or equal to a cup of cheer?

What’s in this drink?: I want to know how old “Baby” is that she can drink and smoke the night away in the home of a charming stranger while her poor parents wait up at home. My parents would have never fallen for that whole “it was too cold outside” nonsense – they would have scooped me up in their sleigh, given me a hot toddy and grounded me until I was thirty.

Any holiday songs ever throw you for a loop? What’s your favorite classic carol – regardless of lyrical silliness?

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About WhiteElephantInTheRoom

I'm an 80s music lover, traveling junkie, mac & cheese connoisseur, amateur wine snob, party-planning priestess and Chicago transplant living in Southern California. I find adventure in the everyday and have a unending compulsion to write about it. Hope you enjoy reading my mind!
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12 Responses to It’s Beginning to Sound a Lot Like Christmas

  1. shontemarie says:

    Love this!! Good call on wondering why “Baby” is allowed to take drinks from strangers…my parents would’ve had a fit!
    As for myself, I always wondered why the snowman from “Winter Wonderland” inquired about my marital status…and I take particular offense to his nosiness as I near 30 and am still single! :/
    Great piece…happy holidays to you!!

  2. Monica says:

    this blog is another gem – as usual laugh out loud with some of these thoughts – especially the bring us somo figgy pudding!!! hahaha

  3. The superfast Jingle Bells by Streisand recently threw me for a loop – I overheard someone at a store saying they loved that version. Ugh… But I just saw this one an hour or so ago and it’smy new favorite – http://t.co/o455xF4V

  4. MaximumWage says:

    You ask a great many questions for which their are not any straight forward answers. I think you should demand accountability from Santa Claus. At least write your local paper asking these questions. I may or may not call my congressional representative demanding answers. War on Christmas? More like War on Confusion.

    My Favorite carol was Come oh come Emmanuel.

  5. nancyfrancis says:

    All I need is a little Mariah for the Christmas season to hit home with me 😉 Sad, really, but true!

  6. Thoughtful observations, and unsettling in some instances. And you didn’t even get to the issues of forced child labor at the North Pole and animal abuse surrounding the reindeer population. Christmas will never be the same without Andy Williams. That said, the only person who should EVER sing “Santa Baby” is Eartha Kitt. Period. I used to be all over obscure classical Christmas music, such as O Magnum Mysterium and In Dulci Jubilo, but since My Great Awakening, I’m rolling around in Robert Earl Keen’s “Merry Christmas from the Family” like a dog in cat poop.

  7. Pingback: The Ghost of Thanksgiving Future | White Elephant in the Room

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