Just like you know it’s officially Halloween when evergreen wreaths and glitzy ornaments replace grills and acrylic tableware on store shelves, you know it’s officially Thanksgiving when Bing and Nat replace Justin and Taylor. It’s been “the most wonderful time of the year” for approximately two full weeks now and I couldn’t be happier.
While my holiday is most jolly imagining I’m the one George Michael plans to give his heart to this year, I’m still a sucker for the classics. And this season, I’ve been paying extra attention to the lyrics. I can accept that times are a-changing and I can’t quite relate to a sleigh ride to Farmer Gray’s birthday party, nor do I often whip out the word “bygolly,” but I still need help clearing up a few carol conundrums:
The infamous traffic cop: What is the significance of the Grinchy police officer to the story of “Frosty the Snowman”? Does Mr. Snowman use the whole “sun was hot that day” excuse because he’s on the lamb? I’m extremely suspicious and Frosty Returns offers no resolution.
Scary ghost stories: I demand to know who amongst you spends the holidays toasting marshmallows while telling ghost stories.
Figgy pudding: Grandma had to explain to me what this stuff is, and it was immediately clear that no one has any business chanting “bring us some figgy pudding, oh bring us some figgy pudding.”
Wish lists: Were hop-a-long boots, hula hoops and hippopotami the yesteryear equivalent of iPads, iPhones and iPods? Those olden-day kiddos were greedy.
A cacophony of bells: According to anyone who has authored a Christmas carol, you can’t turn a corner without hearing the tinkling, clanging, jingling, tolling, caroling or ring-ting-tingling of any variety of bells as the holidays approach. Where’s the magical Dinsey-esque din of bells we’ve been promised? I only hear plain old ringing these days.
Terms of measurement: Is a bushel of fun greater than or equal to a cup of cheer?
What’s in this drink?: I want to know how old “Baby” is that she can drink and smoke the night away in the home of a charming stranger while her poor parents wait up at home. My parents would have never fallen for that whole “it was too cold outside” nonsense – they would have scooped me up in their sleigh, given me a hot toddy and grounded me until I was thirty.
Any holiday songs ever throw you for a loop? What’s your favorite classic carol – regardless of lyrical silliness?