Over the weekend I went on a 10 mile hike through rocky canyons and across deep rivers, by way of my very first bungee jump off the “Bridge to Nowhere.” A cocktail of pride and adrenaline took over as I settled into bed that night and plotted my aggressive workout regimen for the week ahead. There would be indoor rock climbing, there would be swimming, and there would definitely be another hike.
Three days later I’m still wicked sore and have no drive to touch a one pound weight let alone another canyon. From personal experiences like these, and those of my very well-intentioned friends, workout motivation is clearly in short supply. But never fear, as I’ve discovered the solution – slap on your rainbow sweatband and pretend it’s the 80s.
Notwithstanding the classic they-wouldn’t-let-me-shop Rodeo Drive montage in Pretty Woman, the most uplifting movie moments always start with someone named Brandi or Tiffani – or something else with an “i” where a “y” should be – sliding on pastel legwarmers. Add in a little fog, an inelegant setting like a barn or an abandoned warehouse, a few scenes of raw-egg-smoothie-making, and wrap it in an inspirational Kenny Loggins ditty, and you’ve packaged up pure motivation like it’s a can of Tab.
After seeing Jennifer Grey cha-cha down the stairs, Kevin Bacon front-flip himself out of a daughter-of-a-preacher-man crisis, Matthew Modine sprint in his splendid metallic sweat suit and Teen Wolf slam dunk his way through a suspenseful Beavers vs. Dragon showdown, my heart beats a little bit faster and I head straight to the closet to find the orange belt that goes with my leotard. If that alone doesn’t get you fired up for a long session on the aerobic step, then press fast-forward and get to the part where they beat up the bad guy, win the dance-off, or surprise the whole school by being the hot girl at the prom. Soon enough your half-shirt clad self will be power walking through town, walkman in hand, spring in your step.
Whether it’s the bright colors, the big hair that never seems to need a ponytail, the pulse-quickening beats of Oliva Newton John, or the prospect of being paraded around the high school gym on the basketball team’s shoulders, 80s workout montages pump me up like nothing else can. So if you ever need a quick hit of adrenaline, you can either bungee head first into a really big boulder, or you can just watch Kevin Bacon dance on bales of hay.