Social Post Moderators Wanted

In my social networks, I have a few friends with consistently fantastic, virtual-high-five-worthy status updates. They crack me up, they teach me new things, and they challenge me to up my game. So it is with no length of time spent and little deliberation that I’ve determined a new level of checks and balances should be introduced to our social networks. It’s time to place a moratorium on social freedom of speech. Much like the first comment posted to a blog or the creation of a long-winded dating profile, the “post” button on social updates should be changed to “submit for moderation.”

This new system – applying to status updates, tweets, retweets, comments, likes, and photo posts – would require a one month trial period before the user would be able to resume speaking their mind sans moderation. A simple algorithm (post engagement minus frivolous likes multiplied by the coefficient of awesomeness) would determine who among your social network is sufficiently skilled to perform the audit.

Your peer auditor will be looking for the following:

Lazy Likes: If your friend posts, “eating the world’s best apple,” do not be tempted to break the awkward silence by clicking the “like” button. Let’s not encourage this behavior.

Declarations of Love: Messages like these are better received via boom-box-over-head, drunk text, or scribbled in crayon on a Scooby Doo Valentine.

Self-Pity: Please please please don’t tell your 752 closest friends that your goldfish died. We need to get news like this in person.

Go Packers!: No.

Inspirational Quotes: Gandhi and Bon Jovi both have their own Facebook page.

One Worders: If you’re “tired,” “hungry,” “sick,” “freezing,” or “bored,” just fix it.

Frustration: If you can’t find your car in the parking garage, a barista got your latte wrong, or anything else happened that you might see in an episode of Seinfeld, please understand we are here to escape from our own mind-numbing daily trials and not to comment on yours.

TV Philosophy: Your expertly crafted viewpoint on who will be kicked off this week’s episode of The Bachelor will immediately advance you to the end of your trial period. Keep it comin’.

If you invented the double decker PB&J on waffles, I must get the recipe immediately. If you need to know what that shot with the Butterscotch Schnapps and Bailey’s is called, I’ll be your first comment. If Vince Vaughan just invited you to his dog’s half birthday party, I will click “like.” If your son got purple finger paint all over your white couch, do post a picture. But to avoid your moderator hitting the “not approved” option on your next post, save up all the great small talk material for the elevator.

About WhiteElephantInTheRoom

I'm an 80s music lover, traveling junkie, mac & cheese connoisseur, amateur wine snob, party-planning priestess and Chicago transplant living in Southern California. I find adventure in the everyday and have a unending compulsion to write about it. Hope you enjoy reading my mind!
This entry was posted in Commentary, Friends, Humor, Life, Social Media and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

414 Responses to Social Post Moderators Wanted

  1. I’m fairly certain this describes every “friends” post on my news feed at the moment.

  2. Tori Nelson says:

    Thank you Jesus. Sending this to all of the “Today is Tuesday. That is all” status updaters that I know 🙂
    Congrats on FP!

  3. Oh. My. GOD.

    Brilliant idea. Legendary, really. And thank you for pointing out that Ghandi and Bon Jovi have their own Facebook pages. Now if only my FB friends would read this…


  4. you seem to have an unique approach :)))

  5. lol funny! I couldn’t agree more. Some of the things that people post on FB kinda make you wonder why they posted it in the first place. I guess people need that social connection, or perhaps social acknowledgement?

    Congrats on making FP!

  6. I was going to hit like, but worried you’d think that was lazy. I’m amazed what people put on Facebook and these are such great guidelines. Definitely with you on the declarations of love and self pity!

  7. Thanks for this.
    Also, am I the only one who feels she doesn’t need to know when my friend arrives at the gym and who she is with? Or when she checks into work, or after work that she is having a few brews with ‘so and so’ at the bar on the corner?
    Why do I need to know where you are everytime you go somewhere?
    Whats next on status updates, bathroom visits?

  8. sarajanelle says:

    I love the idea behind your post, but without all those topics of status updates, the ONLY thing left is the witty random, basically meaningless posts. “Sara is not dishwasher friendly.” Without adding some personal factor in it, or it having to deal with ones life, there isn’t any point in reading it, if you aren’t interested in someone’s statuses, shouldn’t they just be de-friended?

    • I do adore a good random post, but you’re right about the personal factor. With my closest friends, I’ll toss them a courtesy “like” if they want to share the contents of their lunch with me 🙂

  9. charlywalker says:

    I’m bored, tired, & hungry..and my “LIKE” button keeps freezing…..

    Nice post!

  10. Thanks for the laugh and congrats on being Freshly Pressed!

  11. bigsheepcommunications says:

    A fabulous system – I will immediately tweet it to the world!

  12. CrystalSpins says:

    I like the moderator idea…but I don’t agree with you about what makes a great status update. I fell like you have eliminated almost everything — and somethings I enjoy. Lyrics and quotes for example. (And be nice, some people can’t manage original thought. Quotes are the best they can do.)


  13. I loved reading this. As I was reading each one, I could think of tons of friends who do exactly what you are saying, and I get completely annoyed. Also, during reading this, I had to admit to myself that I do some of these things myself!

  14. Like.

    Congrats on being Freshly Moderated…oops, I mean Freshly Pressed.



  15. Great post. Like! And stuff! 😀

  16. Alive aLwaYs says:

    Your new system is pretty awesome.
    I loved the algorithm by the way!

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  18. Lindsay says:

    Hands down, the best filter is the “Go Packers!” filter. LOL’d on that one!

  19. Simply brilliant! Not much more to say, but congrats on FP-ed. Next you’ll need to critique the hundreds of pitiful comments people like me make.

  20. Fun post and the best are always the truth aren’t they!? Great choice for Freshly Pressed! Have a great week!!

  21. Jen GC says:

    Go Packers Go!!

  22. Elisa's Spot says:

    How clique, personally, I would think that posts like this(yours) are shallow and biotchy, however, I only had the words that sprang forth from your fingers to interpret your intent.

    I think the ability to moderate what is on one’s own content or feeds anywhere online, lies with the tastes of each individual owner of page, blog, or site. Keep it simple, use the delete button or find other places that have engaging content?

  23. jamieonline says:

    What a good list. I may have to link to this. People would appreciate it. 🙂
    I always see people with odd and useless information on their Facebook homepages. I am sure……. (thinking carefully now)…. that I have never done that. Seriously.

  24. Well played. Although I would also like to impose a moratorium on shaming Facebookers into promoting cancer awareness, vegan awareness, stubbed toe on cabinet awareness, and the like through means of manipulative status updates like “Most people won’t repost this as their status, but stubbed toes affect 99% of homeowners…”

    I recently updated my FB status with valid reasons why my dog should be President of the United States. I find this to be a perfectly acceptable and brilliant update. Hey Facebook friends, you’re welcome.

  25. theveryhungrybookworm says:

    THANK YOU! I cannot stand so many of the updates now-a-days because they are just…well…stupid. No, I do not want to read whatever emotional song lyrics you have put into your status and try to figure out how that applies to your life. No, I do not want to know if you have some sort of obscure, not really important, and gross medical issue. Gah.

    Congrats on freshly pressed!

  26. Pingback: Social Post Moderators Wanted | Travel to Johor

  27. Thank you for this voice of reason crying out in the wilderness! And congrats on Fresh Pressed.

  28. Larry says:

    Go Packers!

  29. Pure Complex says:

    Well Said! I totally agree

  30. MMA Dude says:

    This couldn’t be more true! Thanks for putting this opinion out there Elephant. It made me smile like when I’m getting down and ready for a cage match, brah!

  31. misfit120 says:

    Yeah….right on….and those people who post those Farmville updates really need to buy some real farm animals and get a life.

  32. riart says:

    I want to be your facebook friend after reading this, your updates must be refreshing.

  33. Assaad says:

    LOOOL, couldn’t agree more! So true!

  34. WI Snowflake says:

    Sounds like a form of censorship. Where do you draw the line? I appreciate my right to free speech even it is only one word at a time. If I was tweeting right now you would see: disgruntled


    • Hi WI Snowflake! Can’t disagree about free speech 🙂 I definitely think social media let’s us do that well, I just enjoy when folks get a little crafty with their messages. And you’re spot on: a one-worder like “disgruntled” is much more intriguing than “mad.”

  35. Firstly, that was mad funny and every word that I have wished that I had come up with first. Second, congrats on FP! And third, if you come up with some sort of moderator for FB I will be the first to get it. I delete friends all the time after statuses that make me ill. Great post!!!

  36. ournote2self says:

    I completely agree with you! People feel the need to post absolutely everything. The one that gets me the most is those who post things like “heading to the gym so that I can lose these extra 10 pounds”. The only reason someone posts that is to get comments like “you don’t need to lose weight”. If you have to fish for compliments, then you probably should get your butt to the gym. Ugh…makes me wanna puke!

  37. Daisy says:

    Totally love this! I’m new to wordpress, and this is the first post I viewed and oooohhh lala it’s fantastic!

  38. FinallyFast says:

    Too funny! Although I think if all of these things were moderated my newsfeed would be significantly smaller

  39. mcsnitches says:

    Nice one! 🙂

  40. Nicole says:

    I also have a few friends on facebook who consistently have creative and hilarious status updates. I couldn’t agree more on putting R.I.P….status updates on Facebook. I even dedicated a whole post to this topic a while ago:

  41. jessicaber says:

    There are actually administrators/ social post moderator type of people out there. I know that Val Kilmer had some for his official website not long ago. They did not seem to me to be Hollywood people or people who knew him either. They seemed more like “#1 fan” types.

  42. kitchenmudge says:

    I’m a complete abstainer from “social media”, and would like someone to fill me in on what it does that’s useful and couldn’t be done by other means.


  43. simplyvictorious says:

    Love this! I hate all the gym statuses and “check-ins.” One of my FB friends checks into her “snuggly warm bed.” Every. Single. Night. I wish I was kidding.

    Congratulations on FP! I will definitely be coming back to your blog :]

  44. paulbeforeswine says:

    Oh if I only had a dollar every time I wanted to punch someone in his/her Facebook face…

  45. Love it! You forgot one type of post, though. The post that tells you to repost something if you agree. It’s always a subject that you don’t disagree about, so you’re made to feel bad if you don’t repost it, but at the same time: I’ll determine what I post, thank you very much.

  46. newsy1 says:

    There will always be people who think social forums are their own personal diaries. I guess it’s an outlet of sorts.

  47. Ha this is hilarious, love it so much, scarily true as well…

  48. ohanabee says:


  49. I appreciate with your post and one of list (FB), Impressive differentiation of categories.
    But i dislike Lazy like.

    Great post

  50. lafrau says:

    Thank you, for sharing your peanut breath today. It was delightful. ;D

  51. meg says:

    Now if we could just figure out a way to stop people from unnecessary grammer corrections, that’s so annoying.

  52. eva626 says:

    you are hilarious!!! omg…this was a great list! i totally agree with the like button and the one word thing…who cares !! lol. i also dont like the mysterious one…like “i am doing this today….lol”…like what does that mean??? haha..anyway congrats on fp’ed!!!

  53. Mark Strauss says:

    Haha! Good stuff!!

    I especially like… “Inspirational Quotes: Ghandi and Bon Jovi both have their own Facebook page.” and “Go Packers!: No.”

    Admittedly, I’m guilty of too many “Let’s Go Blackhawks!” Facebook posts. 🙂

  54. Hilarious! Great writing! Unfortunately, I’m guilty of most of these, but I can’t help it. I really love my husband and I just want everyone one to know it, darn it! Oh, and Go Buckeyes!

  55. Pingback: Social Post Moderators Wanted (via White Elephant in the Room) « Wired Moms

  56. The whole Declaration of love seems rather difficult. Can you give me any tips?

  57. Eva McCane says:

    i greatly appreciate this list. i wish everybody would read it.

  58. Oh my… I am the queen of the “lazy like”….lol… I fear I might just be banished from social media now….lol… no, seriously- very good points! ;o)

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  60. hahalexy says:

    I love this, i also get really annoyed with facebook, i also have done a blog on it, i really hate it when people write, thier angry, pissed off or raging. Then some idiot asks them whats up and they send them an answer in a message. There is a name for some like that. A keyboard Gangster

  61. Cytrekbooks says:

    Yes! Finally, someone who shares my views on this matter.

  62. Great post – thanks for the tips so we don’t become “one of those people”. Can you make an exception if I can’t find my car because someone moved it, not just because I lost it? 🙂

    Congrats on being FP!!

  63. artreviewed says:

    The one that always gets me are the constant baby updates…its your page not your babys…remember that! Lol!

  64. doctorforyou says:

    I think for the most part you are correct. However, I think sometimes we should have some leeway for a frustration post. Especially if done in a sarcastic kind of way to let of steam. I fully agree on you for the others. I have defriended “friends” who felt the need to tell me all of their bodily functions, such as going to the bathroom and eating. I wish I was kidding.

  65. someone2442 says:

    I’m happy I set my own Facebook friend limit to 500 . . . You should also include random posts from Facebook games, those are possibly the worst idea ever conceived.

    Congrats on being freshly pressed

  66. Emily929 says:

    Too true! You said it SO very well. Another pet peeve of mine is “vague-booking”: posting intentionally vague status updates to elicit sympathetic questions from people. For example, “I just can’t take it any more.”

    • Emily you just coined my very favorite new term. I promise to quote you every time I use it. I think every “vague-book” post deserves a “vague-book” reply:

      “I just can’t take it anymore”
      “Totally me neither.”

  67. xdeviantonex says:

    I completely feel what you are saying here. I actually make fun of my friends that do the one word status or the “OMG!!” status. My replies can range from the raunchy to semi-timid… Ok I am stretching there, I am never timid. We should all send the request for this option to face book, twitter and myspace.. If anyone actually still uses that anymore.

  68. chunter says:

    Congratulations of FP,

    I’m not sure that outright moderation (if the comment was political, we’d certainly call it censorship,) and when it comes to my loved ones, hearing something is better than hearing nothing at all, and this also isn’t the first time I’ve heard this sentiment and it probably won’t be the last. I guess the point is that if a person wants to be read and not just skipped over, the content has to stay interesting in some way.

    Best wishes

  69. halfwayto50 says:

    I began unfriending people because of status updates that drove me crazy! the worst is when people complain about something. i started blogging because my close friends thought my status updates were hilarious! i wanted to continue to do that without constantly updating my status and becoming one of “those people.” however, i haven’t taken my blog public to my friends, for some reason, that’s so scary to me!!

  70. anonnickus says:

    Eighties music was good. An eighties phrase came to mind that for me goes well with your message. It went like this “Shut up” with the accent heavy on the ‘up’ to make it sassy. Terrific post.

  71. Pollyanna says:

    Nicely observed! I guess that’s why you can hide posts from socially unacceptable friends instead of de-friending them. What I want to know is: what is the point of Twitter? All those people twitting their stuff. If you follow more than about 2 people, you don’t get to see their tweets anyway. What is the purpose of it? Have I missed the point? Is it just mindless twerping into cyberspace for no reason? Would love your opinion. xx

    • Hey Pollyana! I’m glad you enjoyed the post! I’m on Twitter and at first it was to follow a few friends of mine but eventually it morphed into a work thing for me. I do social media for my company so I started following experts in the field. So if you ever wanted to try you could follow peers who do what you do for a living, or even people who just like the same music or TV shows or have similar hobbies! It’s different than Facebook in that you can meet “friends” you’ve never known all due to similar interests. It’s worth checking out to see if it’s for you or not 🙂

  72. sonicleese says:

    from one writer to another, smart writing and keep up the great work! will keep your suggestions in mind, and use them as a filter, the next time i feel compelled to post about something predictable… heheh

  73. Faye says:

    This is brilliant.

  74. If only , it was some one like you who invented the first social network sight , or is it someone like you who invents a new inevitable working sight or program for self satisfaction, This has inspired me to write a similar blog myself , check it out when its done.

  75. I guess now Facebook should include these guidelines. Beautiful post summarising our daily business with facebook. A new look at social networking’s hits and misses. I am sharing it on facebook to let my friends know.

  76. gmomj says:

    Me likey. Like, like, like…
    Groovy too.

    I’ve de-friended more then a few for oversharing status reports.
    Divorce came through? Gabe was great in bed last night?
    TMI! TMI!

    Go Ravens!!!

  77. dara poznar says:

    I dumped facebook a while back, but if your method is ever implemented I may consider rejoining. Excellent writing! A truly funny and worthwhile read. 🙂 Congrats on being freshly pressed.

  78. liberalcynic says:

    well written…you’ve described practically all my facebook friends!

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  80. Sasha says:

    I totally agree. My biggest issue with people on Facebook, is that they use status updates as a tool to be passive aggressive with someone they’re mad at… I always want to comment and say something like “If your mad at your boyfriend why don’t you tell him instead of telling everyone else you know”

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  83. haha.. Well this is just what everyone I know needs to read. I have nothing but high school and college friends so most times they just post statuses like “FML” or random crap like that. I may just have to link this so everyone can read it. lol. Personally, I like to put some off the wall quotes that no one else has thought of yet..

  84. Ha ha ha, this is brilliant! I agree. All my friends have emo posts.

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  86. stephenjbartholomew says:

    Funny post, but I do not agree. I am all for freedom of speech – no matter how mundane that speech may be.

    • Hi Stephen! I’m all for free speech too (yes even if it’s a little dull)… I just think it would be nice to see people have a little more fun with social media 🙂 I appreciate you checking it out!

  87. Great post! Social network gives us a stage to perform ourselves and make friends with. Thank you for your sharing!

  88. sdavis0111 says:

    I’ve been thinking about something like this too. Maybe not this in depth but similar. I have a friend who’s Facebook posts I always look forward to reading and then I have other friends that really deserve a WTF button. My friend will write things like: “Me and my family are seriously arguing about who could outrun a ghost.” Stuff like that just cracks me up. Then I have another friend that will write something like: “Eating cereal. Thinking about deleting my FB profile.” Seriously…but, on the other hand. Love your post!

    • Ok I have to confess I was reading you comment on the elevator up to my apartment tonight and I laughed out loud hysterically to the “outrun a ghost” portion. My neighbors may have judged me a little and I now plan to post an elevator blog tomorrow 🙂 Thanks for your contribution to that!

      • sdavis0111 says:

        I laughed out loud the first time I read it when she wrote it. I was at work walking down the hallway. Let’s just say that several people stepped out of their offices to see what was going on. Looking forward to the elevator post!

  89. Nicole says:

    You are 100% right and 200% funny. Loved this post.

  90. hamster330 says:

    I love post like this. Very observant and entertaining. I myself believe in non-judgement when it comes to all walks of life with all voices so long as it’s not obscene and offensive. I value tolerance. It’s good for one’s health and world peace.

  91. It’s like you took the thoughts out of my head.

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  95. changdeb says:

    i understand your point of view, as it annoys me too.. but i prefer to take an easier way to solve the problem: only follow people i do really want to hear them speaking on twitter (quickly unfollow people who speak unimportant things or have annoying habits), and set only selected people’s status updates what will be shown in my fb home (though i haven’t done it yet as i only have small number of friends).
    you can hope, tell, even yell, but people just won’t change so easily. but we can.

  96. achilliad says:

    One of my fellow middle-aged broadcast buddies feels Facebook is controlled by the government while I just thought they were “snoopy” and sloppy with people’s privacy. I’m leaning towards his theory now. After resisting “tweeting”, my thirty-smething friends covincced me it is a great networking tool and I joined – the verdict is still out. I never find the need to tell anybody personal stuff like when I have to use the washroom, etc ANYwhere online, so I feel you on that. Props on getting Freshly Pressed…seriously.

  97. arvinrazon says:

    Very funny…and VERY true. What I hate the most though are critters spreading out negativity one post after the other.

  98. This is absolutely hilarious… and so spot on! Let’s try and get Zuckerberg onboard!!

  99. Cheyenne says:

    this is awesome! this is GOOD!

  100. As a dj, I have some 4000+ ‘friends’, people that know me…I suppose. So I get daily reminders of this exact thing.
    But it’s more then status updates – it seems people will put anything out there.

    I will ping this back from my article (I REFUSE to call it a blog)

  101. dieend says:

    Well, in some side, this is true. I do agree, why do they post something like that? In my opinion, they just need a place to run from reality. But for others it is annoying, right? It is actually simple, we just need to remove them from friend.
    “But they are my friend!”, if they are, then you should understand them. And a friend can give one minute to write “poor you” when her/his goldfish die. What? Some of them isn’t your friend? That’s your fault for confirming them as friend. It is what social network should be actually, a social, between friends, not with some stranger you-don’t-know-who-but-he/she-added-me-as-friend.

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  103. Snigdha says:

    Haha…excellent post and very relatable

  104. Mia says:

    I totally agree with you. Thanks for this post.

    My Facebook friends started abusing my news feed with status you mentioned above. I was sick of it and decided to quit from FB. HAhahahha.. I just check it if there’s something I consider as important there.

    But somehow I think it’s okay to “self pity” yourself once in a while. I said once in a while, not 10 times a day. It’s a human thing.

  105. dbrueck says:

    Hi there, i’m a little late on this, sorry. I really agree on what you have written. The only thing to say is that it is true. I’m from germany and now maybe you’ve heard something like, ‘these people are generally anxious about there privacy being pirated in the net by companies who just want your soul’ 😉 But it isn’t like that, it’s just about being sensitive about how you act and behave in the net and being reflective about what privacy content you really need to post somewhere. After all, once you decided to join, it has to be clear that you have to act as responsible in the net as in real life.
    I use different social networks, platforms, blogs…and killed my FB account long ago, to be honest, i never missed it. Sorry for my bad english.
    Keep on and have a nice day

  106. dianespeaks says:

    Congratulations for the feature! I love this post. It was hillarious yet so true. It was like naming the different types of Facebook users already. 🙂

  107. ketki says:

    great post…i really liked it

  108. Pingback: The Social Media Garden and How I Make a Salad I Want to Eat | Verses and Discussion from R. Brockey

  109. Repolho says:

    I wonder if I posted a link to this article in my FB, would it be approved? 😉

  110. Rocket says:

    Yeah! I agree completely. I am kind of guilty however, of the random post (for example, I recently posted something about my inability to be mean to telemarketers) . I am also getting tired of seeing pictures of what someone eats every hour.

    Congrats on FP!


  111. richannkur says:

    Nice nice post……….

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  113. Annie Elizabeth says:

    You are quite amusing. If your want to get all your status updates up to your friends’ levels, I’d say you’re already there. Nice job. XD

  114. Giuseppe Peres says:

    This is Social Wisdom, really!

    I’ll do my best to spread this post all over the world!!!

    Keep on writing, you’re great!

  115. Nah, awful idea. Why suppress it? Most of its garbage and the vile stuff doesn’t need to be read. let people say what they like. So long as they don’t get attention for it, they’ll tire out soon enough.

  116. Lee says:

    This is one of the reasons I deleted my facebook. Theres something about when signing up for a Facebook account how your IQ drops to zero.

  117. Lee says:

    This is one of the reasons I no longer have a Facebook. There’s something how when some people sign up for a Facebook acount their IQ drops to zero.

  118. jessicaber says:

    I was on Facebook after myspace kicked me off once I mention that my ex’s family is the Mexican mafia. For maybe two years I used Facebook to post pictures and milestones in my toddler’s life for family and for friends and peoplefrom my church. Facebook is completely unwholesome though which was not true of myspace the last time that I was on myspace. I am a Latter Day Saint and a few months ago my mind had this direct thought “the church wants us to keep pure minds” (The LDS Church). So I “deactivated” my Facebook account and started filling out a profile which is a website that my church uses as a missionary tool for people interested in finding out more about the church. Being on has been fullfilling and weened me of my Facebook habit.

  119. José Carlos says:

    Good post

  120. Love, love, love this!!! Lol! Puts a new spin on how you look at FB posts. Haha!

  121. dbrueck says:

    maybe you all know this? i find it brilliant.
    you need to get off facebook>

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  123. Hey WhiteElephantInTheRoom it is very nice to read your blog, i never saw such a communication or lets say conversation with moderator and commenters <- is that written the right way? Commenters or commentors?! Nice work…

  124. lazyreviewer says:

    Eating the world’s best banana.

  125. Shreya says:

    Well, status updates like these made me put my Facebook account on hold. I am free from this gibber gabber for 6 months noe and it feels great 🙂 Awesome post!

  126. jessicaber says:

    Who has ever seen th best grocery store parking lot sunshine while in love and in their early 20’s…something that was Godly? (Me). I response to the banana guy’s post.

  127. idreamofeden says:

    So good, your post left me full of smiles! Sometimes I get tired of WhineBook…where all the mothers complain about their child’s sickness, naughtiness, or lack of sleep! Don’t get me wrong, I do have my pity party times as a stay at home mom, but the Facebook world doesn’t need to hear about it! I am definitely guilty of the lazy likes….

  128. corzgalore says:

    Interesting. That could be useful.

  129. Deeone says:

    This list was incredible. I’m sure I’m guilty of a few of these myself. I’ll take my probation for the next 15 minutes and return a changed man, for sure. OMG! I just have to share this though, because I’m sure there are some of my other friends who won’t be as honest as I, about their guilt! 😉 Great Post!

  130. Alexandra says:


    that is brilliant.

    Worth the 6 mins to watch.

  131. Jess says:

    Could we add hash mark abuse to the list? #thisisoverkill

    Great post. Hopefully Facebook will catch on and provide a link that sends people right here before allowing them to submit an update!

  132. Patrick says:

    Brilliant! And the fact that you make your best attempt to respond to all comments makes you brilliant as well!

  133. ZakSawyer says:

    LOVE it.
    So true, and it happens alllllll the time.

  134. Redge says:

    Excellent post. I can only agree and note that all comments on my blog are moderated … and no, I won’t like anyone’s Facebook page just because they asked me to.

    @dbrueck: Great video, I never held Facebook in very high regard as it is.

  135. saltybi11 says:

    If this took place, the entire internet as we know it would be different! Also, I feel like saying, what WOULD be an important update for a facebook page!?! It is just a facebook page and nothing more. Keeping in touch is great, keeping updated on every mundane detail of people’s lives is lame.

  136. themacadamia says:

    Good idea! I’m especially sick of people constantly posting song lyrics.

  137. What can I say? It is a hilarious post and a sharp observation. I guess a part of why FB is successful is that we feel we are like “stars” in a sense that now thanks to FB if I go with so and so to a bar to get a beer, a 1000 people will find out about it. Whereas in the past very few people would even have a clue that I drink beer. We want to feel special and important, but I guess the quality of our posts shows how much attention we need and why we are on FB in the first place. Sometimes to show how sharp we are, and sometimes to show how sharp we are not. And I guess it’s ok to be either way, but personally I prefer sharpness and depth rather than finding out about sb showing off with something that doesn’t make my life better in any way, doesn’t stimulate or inspire me.

  138. Joseph says:

    while I agree that something should be done about inane posts…..especially ones I was better of not knowing (such as “just spent the night puking my guts out”) my main worry is that blog owners like you and me could be very easily tempted to abuse the kind of power you suggest should be granted to us to shut down people posting comments on otherwise peaceful opposing viewpoints…I wouldn’t and I don’t think you would either but there are some out there who probably would

  139. zdazzle14 says:

    You speak so much truth with this post.

  140. zjmorgan says:

    I like my freedom of speech, even if there is the occasional (all the time) idiot post. The question would then be, who makes the moderator right? Twitter and Facebook were specifically designed for the exact purpose of posting a tweet or status at any time about anything and changing that would defeat the purpose of the sites. Ultimately, I would much rather endure the “not so” grueling status for 2 milliseconds than allow another human being control what I say.

    • Well my theory is that it would be one of your social peers (someone who knows and loves ya!) who would “audit,” but the spirit of the post is more about how much more interesting our social networks can be when we give them a little personality. Right on about freedom of speech 🙂

  141. Igor Ristic says:

    Awesome post! As a student of social media and someone who is hoping to get a PhD on the topic, I really appreciate the topic. I think that for those of us in the western world who are now as accustomed to the Internet and to Social Media as our parents were to television and and our grandparents were to radio, Social Networking will be part of our lives forever. Thus, ‘rules’ or norms about social networking will also become a big part of our daily activities.

  142. makingup3000 says:

    Aaahhh, I’m still trying figure Twitter out. The @,#, etc. What does it all mean?

  143. jessicaber says:

    Twitter: @ means that some one is replying to you and it is an honor. I am a single mom and Cabot Creamery which makes the best cheese in Vermont said something to me on twitter today so it looked like this @erinsplayground I think that it is a good thing. (My name on twitter is erinsplayground in honor of a girl that I went to high school with). # means that some one is refering to something that if you click on the word you will see what other people on Twitter have said about that word.

  144. kristenmac says:

    I love this…this definitely warrants the “like” button! I think you missed something…and that’s the TMI post. I have a friend who posted a picture of her in the midst of childbirth. Literally pulling the baby out of her you-know-what. Gross. Or the too-many-medical-symptoms post. I don’t have any interest in the color of your snot. Or finally, the fully and awful details on the break-up. It just gets embarassing.

    Anyway…great post. Loved it and wish it were real!

  145. I’ve started posting facts (in the style of “Did you know that…?”) as my status on Facebook, along with the usual “I did this today, and that made me think…”. I figure, if people learn something new each time they read my status updates, it’s okay if I write stuff no one cares about too.

  146. Modern Funk says:

    This is exactly why I am not on fb or twitter…too much mindless drivel. I would much rather be in nature or exploring a new country…like my recent trip to France. People are so self-involved these days thinking that anyone gives a damn about all the stupid crap they do during the course of a day.

    Congrats on FP! 🙂

  147. Funny! I do my best to be witty. I think we all fail sometimes, but some more than others. The type of commenter I can’t stand is the one who somehow feels that they know my political leanings and proceed to share all sorts of unasked-for political updates with me. Delete. Delete. Delete. I’d rather read song lyrics. 🙂 Great post!

  148. Posky says:

    You’ve done the world a great service if this concept ever goes into practice.

  149. firstdayofspring says:

    Ahhhh, the psychology, and sociology of Facebook status updates. It’s just never boring and you gave me a good laugh! Your list was comprehensive and well thought-out. Bravo. I shall share.

  150. Natalia says:

    Perhaps one should make a request to publish your post in FB’s rules and regulations prior to registration?? 😛

  151. jrnavid says:


  152. Pingback: but right now i wish you were here « world-class procrastinator; hard at work

  153. Lorena says:

    You just said all I wanted to say to great part of my contacts!

  154. sonja says:

    Funny post. Loved it, but can’t say I agree entirely. Now whether or not I don’t agree because I’m guilty of about 93% of the things you listed as taboo, or if I think you’re being alittle tough on those on a public sharing site, I don’t rightly know. Some people enjoy those things, period. Nothing more nothing less. For some people that’s the way they communicate with the “outside” world. Okay, okay, I’ll stand down from my soap box now. lol…I will be subscribing to your blog though. Really enjoyed this. Made me smile.
    Have a great day.

    • Nicole says:

      I agree with Sonja here.

      Who says there are rules for Facebook? Who decides what gets to be posted? Does it have to be entertaining and funny to be “worthy” to be posted? Just because it’s boring to you doesn’t mean it shouldn’t be posted. If you get annoyed by the things that other people post, then block their feed.

      I hate it when people suggest this. Don’t get me wrong, I agree to a certain point, especially in regards to Twitter. I make it habit to troll the Twitter Trends and make fun of the things people say. I understand where you’re coming from, but it’s too extreme. And too close-minded. Each person has a different Facebook experience. For some of us who live far away from our families and friends…it’s the only way we can stay in touch.

      PS You forgot about all the Farmville requests. I thought for sure that was going to appear on your list 🙂

      • Hey Sonja and Nicole! You’re both right of course.. as much as I would love it we truly can’t stop anyone from posting about their daily tasks… and social media is a great outlet for that. The spirit of my plea is just that we get a little more creative with it and inject some of our own personalities.. makes it much more fun!

        Thanks for reading and I’m really glad you enjoyed it. And very good call on the Farmville requests I did miss that one! 🙂

        ~ Beth

  155. draulsassaultcube says:

    You complete me xD
    Great post, and your title just dragged me in.
    Subscribing, please post more informational and hilarious stuff like this! 😀

  156. Too funny and so true! And I’m very aware this is a boring comment and should probably have been thus moderated…

  157. luv your post. so true with FB…lol! Moderation in all things should be stated outright….ha! keep on keeping on!

  158. V.H.Belvadi says:

    My thoughts exactly. In fact I had a similar post I had written a month ago with Twitter in mind. You might be interested in it:

  159. elenamusic says:

    Nice! You forgot the “Winning” posts. I’m sorry, but I have to make fun of people who say they’re, “winning” in anything. They just seem like douches. Haha.

  160. Where’s the like button? LOL

  161. jocazplamenco says:

    Haha! This is actually the reality. You did a great humor. I was planning ti make one like this but you already did. Haha!
    C’mon, social networkers, we are your friends. But, not all the time we need to know you recent status. Just keep it to yourself. Post something that will excite us, not to irritate us!
    I loive you all!

  162. I am in TOTAL agreement with your viewpoint! So much unnecessary traffic. And hey… you got noticed on ‘freshly pressed” – so you did good! 🙂

  163. nomdevoyages says:

    is it ironic that i just shared this on facebook? i LOVED your post. i almost choked on my breakfast this morning while reading it. keep it coming!

  164. Ashley says:

    I may have to share your blog with my FB friends…which will collectively piss all of them off as you have just described every status update I’ve seen today:) Congrats on Freshly Pressed!

  165. thor27 says:

    Interesting blog I’ll add your link at Later !

  166. Summer says:

    thaaats so true!! and I think this could be more of a twitter thing than facebook!

  167. I love your unique style of writing, it’s very entertaining and passes that 15 second trial period that my eyes seem to rarely afford other posts.

    What was the post that inspired this blog?

    • Thank you Curtis I really appreciate that. The post that broke the camel’s back was actually a very simple “RIP Grandpa,” which somehow elicted three likes and a series of “oh man that sucks” comments. Sucks indeed.

  168. I posted an article like this the other day. It seems I have left some things out. I love this post! It’s nice that someone else says these things aloud.

  169. Ug, Let’s not forget
    – those that feel the need to call you and ask if you read their FB post
    – the drunken bar stories when their profile pic is their 2 year old so it looks like Baby Timmy had too many Bud Light Limes
    – invitations to events that have already happened

    Thanks for a sane approach to communication and congrats on FP!

  170. shenanitim says:

    Very true. Though I think the plethora of useless information of there helps to teach you how to filter it all. That said, I still haven’t figured out what the use of the “Like” button is. Is it for mutes? If you don’t have anything nice to say about it, how much can you really “like” something?

  171. milieus says:

    This is great. You’ve totally captured how I feel. People that post those types of comments are the reason I don’t use social media as often. I definitely do not use Twitter. I don’t care that you’re eating Cap’n Crunch for breakfast, and I don’t want to know how many times you’ve gone to the bathroom today. Over-sharing is not cool- leave a little bit of your life a mystery… PLEASE!


  172. mmorreale says:

    Wow this needs to be put into action right now! If only everyone i know and am friends with on facebook would read this and wholly embrace it. I appreciate your reality check!


  173. 1jadedrose says:

    Too funny so true…do I care that my friends are going to sleep… not so much or that they are having a drink at such and such a place not really. However, would be interested to know if your friends are still on your list once called out. I have began to attempt to call out mine friends dating flops..and well wondering if they will be deleting me soon.

  174. Lindsay says:

    I love you. Wanna be friends on Facebook? I am going to share this! Does that make me annoying? 😉

  175. nancyfrancis says:

    I just died laughing – but you’re spot on with the Moderator idea! I really don’t care that you are ‘at work’ or are ‘watching TV’, but I DO love to hear about you falling downstairs (makes me feel better about my frequent accidents) or seeing Madonna resemblances in your sandwhich.

  176. rodalena says:

    I’m so conflicted. I want to link this on my FB page as a public service message, because, dang, it’s good preachin’, however, I fear if I do, people who ironically post stuff like “Repost if you know anyone who is suffering from stupidity” will click “Like” and post things like “Ooh, that’s so true” on my wall. And then, tomorrow, I’ll end up with a blank FB homepage. And, gracious, what in the world would I do then?? The only reasons I have a Facebook are to provide publicity for my obscure blog and to take up all of my time so I don’t have to do housework. I’d be forced to start playing Farmville, which goes against everything I hold dear in this world. Loved your post!

  177. l0ve0utl0ud says:

    Excellent post, and absolutely right! Status updates should only be for interesting, funny, positive or exciting news.

  178. ostbear says:

    I think this is more than a little arrogant. Who is really to judge what is worth knowing, or what is worth telling? What you’re doing is engaging importance of a given thing and what’s important to you or other people, may not be important to myself or even other other people (!?). While I do find it annoying when my Mother announces to everyone on facebook her farm needs attending by vampires to defeat the werewolves in castle defending… ville, it’s not for me to judge weather the post was “Worthy”. For example, while I disagree with your opinion here, I still rate it 5 Stars because it was well written!

  179. SEOlikeaPRO says:

    I think I need to share this post on Facebook. Something needs to stop these people. Thanks for the laugh.

  180. Lesley says:

    This was hilarious. Thanks for getting me to laugh out loud at my computer.

    P.S. Check out Failbook. Bad posts don’t go unpunished 🙂

  181. richardchandler says:

    haha, love the post. I am writing a book similar to this, check it out on my blog! 🙂

  182. This is just the post we all need to read! Thanks for bringing up such a valid issue. Our social network interaction is something everyone should work on. Otherwise, our news feed or timeline will be full of words that actually demotivate us to interact. We need to be aware that some responses or words are actually ‘turn off’ button. The same thing often happens with blogs too.

    But most of all, I need to be more aware with the way I post and response to other people post. It’s also a reminder, and thanks for posting it!

  183. Vivek. says:

    It’s ironic that 231 people like this blog; I happen to be one of them. Great post.

  184. I appreciate with your post and one of list (FB), Impressive differentiation of categories.
    But i dislike Lazy like.

    Great post

  185. mybrightspot says:

    At the risk of sounding like a total jerk, I absolutely HATE the “I’m-so-miserable-pay-attention-to-meeeee!” status updates. Once in a while, when life is really hard, I get it. But over and over and over??? Maybe I need to cleanse my friends list, but I am constantly seeing “I guess I should just hide under a rock” “That’s it, I’m never opening up again,” “why, oh, why is my eyeliner running at the emo concert?” And they grow more and more desperate the more days go by and the less people comment. All I want to do is comment harshly. Thankfully I’ve been able to stay my hand thus far.

  186. Great Post. I liked your summarization of almost everything statuses.

    It does annoy at times when you are informed that someone just had a glass of juice or ate an orange. Or the statuses that go ‘Sad :(‘

    And congratz for making it to the Freshly Pressed!!!

  187. vallaura says:

    you are a legend. love this post!

  188. This is so well said!! I hate people who update every 5 seconds. WE DONT CARE.
    please read mine:)

  189. leadinglight says:

    My Facebook updates are things that I don’t want to be too intimate. Personal, yes because I have a number of good friends there but that I might not to get to see too often because I have moved house and school seven times and most likely will move again in the future. With close friends, I just use the phone and we meet face to face.
    I hate all baby related and pregnancy related info on Facebook. I’m happy with doing my trip photo uploads and getting likes on those.

  190. I do agree with many of your points, however:

    Isn’t that the reason there is a de-friend (block) button???
    You can also request not to see someones comments.

    Freedom of speech can be a powerful thing, but can also make others realize how desperate, sad and downtrodden some lives really are.

    And what about the ridiculous questions, are people really paid to comeup with these?
    …who cares if I like bananas?? LOL

  191. I’m very picky about what I “Like” on Facebook. That being said, if this were Facebook, I would Like this blog… 🙂

  192. hi 🙂 I’m inspired by this post so I posted same as this but the source is different and it’s definitely from me.. this one’s great 😀

  193. opine says:

    Good stuff, very timely. Regarding the Go Packers, considering you are from Chicago I can understand your dislike. And while I am a Packer fan from Chicago now residing in NoCal, even I am tired of this. I shared this blog with FB friends, wonder how many will de-friend me. Oh well, I have always described FB as the lazymans way of staying in touch.

  194. Angec2011 says:

    I actually laughed when you said about the goldfish status, we have fish, not goldfish but guppies and i have to say, it is not me that updates my status about when the fish go to fish hell/heaven however my partner does sometimes and well yawn!

  195. cherry1011 says:

    I think every single person who has fb does such a thing, but I wouldn’t classify any1 because I’m pretty sure that u also set up such updates. Don’t judge people when u r also a part of the social community such as fb. U could do that if u didn’t have fb, but when u have it & u set up such a classification then u also put yourself into one of these categories. The question is, to which one. Care to answer or r u still going to deny the fact that u belong to any of them?

    • Hey cherry 1011! Oh I’m certainly guilty of several of the “faux pas” I list above. All boils down to social networks being so much more engaging when everyone puts a little bit of their personalities into their posts. Thanks for reading 🙂

  196. liradand says:

    Oops…..I’m totally guilty of some of this….

  197. This is so true! I’m a teenager and all people ever post is, “I’m Bored..Text me”, “Just chilling with (insert)____ and ____”. Or some incredibly stupid love quote that makes me want to gag. Or even the people who complain about other people indirectly (but you know who they are). But, let’s not forget the people who can’t stop posting photos of themselves! It makes them seem self-absorbed and just stupid and dumb in general.
    I totally agree with you, Facebook and any other social networking sites need a moderator and fast!

  198. jessicaber says:

    “Ahundredthingstodo”…I worry about our youth being on Facebook, because it is such an unwholesome site. I just hope that you guys to not get harmed spiritually by it.

  199. cherry1011 says:

    ahundredthingstodo and how this moderator is gonna help u? by banning u from using fb? this is silly. there’s freedom of speech and the updates on fb are a kind of speech.

  200. @jessicaber I’ve been very careful of what I say and put on facebook, usually I like to post funny status’s and not much else. But your right some people are being effected in a not so good way.

  201. griffstar says:

    Slowclap.jpg is needed here. Nice job WhiteEle!

  202. armandpolanski says:

    Funny and Very Much True! That’s why facebook is fun we can see people make fun of themselves.

  203. jessicaber says:

    This website has gotten more comments that any freshly pressed that I have ever seen. It is no wonder that people want to make some sense of the Facebook phenomenon. In a way I am surprised that Facebook became that big. It is like a carnival. @armanpolanski I agree with you in the sense that if you are having a hard time and you have 150 Facebook friends (like I used to) you can read through them to find out who else is having a hard time. Some one is bound to be in that many people.

  204. TweeCo says:

    Nice post. Thanks listing out

    Can add one more on the list:
    forbidding people keep changing their relationship status from “in a relationship” to “single” to “its complicated”, and then back to “in a relationship” within a day

  205. Great post. These rules should be read carefully before using FB or some other social networks.

  206. Funny post!LOL But very true,true,true.. A lot of my FB friends do that.I hope one of them can read this.

  207. Funny and Very Much True! That’s why facebook is fun we can see people make fun of themselves.

  208. Guilty of all on here. You’re right though.. most of it sounds like a broken record. Wow.. you should have totally added people who make song lyrics as their status…I believe if you like the a link to it. I don’t know if its just some fad that is just barely dying out but it drives me insane when people do that. Thank you for posting this.. haha maybe I should watch my “likes” and posts more often.

  209. Carl says:

    A good post and very insightful 🙂 keep it up

  210. rain says:

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