As a lifetime world traveler and card carrying Platinum, Diamond, Emerald and Blah Blah Fancy class member of every international hotel chain, the one experience that has eluded me until this moment was flying business class. I’ve only imagined what could be going on up there – and my imagination creates a world where guests drink from champagne glass pyramids while discussing Socrates and foreign films and flight attendants put on your oxygen mask before their own.
So finally, after nearly missing my flight over the distraction of free wine and unlimited Milano cookies in the Club World lounge, I’m sitting – well, lounging, on my British Airways flight to Barcelona, where I can see for myself.
To be frank, I’m no stranger to luxury. My boxed wine goes through an aerator, I scored Chanel No. 5 from a bathroom attendant once and I’ve been regularly stealing W magazine from my dentist for years. But as I nibble on my langoustine (fancy word for lobster) and sip my Bordeaux (fancy word for Franzia), I can tell this experience surpasses the luxury to which I have become accustom.
So for those of you who have yet to enjoy the spoils, allow me to fill you on what we’ve all been missing:
– Knives: There’s nothing like the pride you feel when you unroll your linen napkin and discover you’ve been entrusted with the Loch Ness Monster of the airline industry – real silverware
– Wine List: If you just say “red” they look at you funny. You’re welcome
– Warm wash cloths: I realize it’s a standard international flight thing but damn I love it
– Fold down seats: Never thought I’d be so thrilled to once again be sleeping on a futon
– Nanny cams?: At the drop of a fallen blanket, the turn of an unrestful sleep, or the grumble of a hungry stomach, Mary Poppins or Mr Belvedere was curiosuly at the ready with a tuck-in or glass of milk or spoonful of sugar
– The Lavatory: Ok that’s pretty much the same
So after a lifetime of yearning to learn what was on the other side of the curtain, I’m happy to announce another mission accomplished. Next task: find out what all the caviar fuss is about.