The Age of Aquarius is Over

So today Matt Lauer informed me that I’m a Capricorn, and for one brief moment my world shook as hard as the day I learned my idol, Vanilli, was a fraud. First Pluto isn’t a planet and now I’m not an Aquarius?  Does this mean I can no longer wear my water bearer necklace? Does this mean I’m not really curious, well-liked and passionate? This scientific mess has me beginning to question the whole gravity concept.

In fact, everyone seems to be aflutter in zodiac craziness today. It’s all over my Facebook newsfeed, Twitter, the blogosphere and news sources from CNN to TMZ. This has me in awe not about the monumental Earth shift required to cause such a change, but about the real world implications we now all face and who will benefit:

Marriage Counselors: Clear off the couch and brace yourself for the “my once compatible Cancer hubby is now a feisty Gemini and I didn’t plan for this in my prenup” conversations

Tattoos Artists: Start figuring out how to turn a ram into a fish. You’re about to become the world’s most invaluable technician

Single Men: The new awkward pause that will follow your pick up line puts you back in the driver’s seat   

Chinese Restaurants: Previous horoscope die-hards will now be turning exclusively to fortune cookies to identify their lucky numbers

Ophiuchuses: Just found out your part of the new sign? No one knows a thing about you. Use the mystery to your advantage and just say “I’m an Ophiuchus” as your excuse for everything

Turns out that for me, the implications truly are minimal. I’ll simply shift my eyes down a notch on my next issue of Cosmo and the world will be in alignment once again.


About WhiteElephantInTheRoom

I'm an 80s music lover, traveling junkie, mac & cheese connoisseur, amateur wine snob, party-planning priestess and Chicago transplant living in Southern California. I find adventure in the everyday and have a unending compulsion to write about it. Hope you enjoy reading my mind!
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4 Responses to The Age of Aquarius is Over

  1. Stumbled upon your blog. Some really witty stuff here. Enjoyed it! Thank you for sharing!

  2. paulbeforeswine says:

    Girl, you think YOU had it hard with this whole zodiac change?

    I dare you to beat me!

  3. Jezzmindah says:

    I so want to bathe in the Bahahaha’s of your blog, but I just can’t read this at work anymore. Passersby are catching the strangest looks on my face and I simply can’t take the ‘OL’ outta my LOLs. Brilliant work!

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